Off the Curve

As any preemie parent knows, weight gain is of prime concern, not just while in the hospital but when baby goes home as well. Since Buzzy came home, her pediatrician has recommended supplements to help her gain weight. We mixed a scoop of Neosure in with my milk each time we gave her a bottle. After I stopped pumping, we made the switch to Neosure altogether. Now that she is eating solid food, we supplement her diet with at least two Pediasures a day. Yet, even with all these extra boosts, Buzzy is 20 months old and barely weighs 20 pounds.

Of course, her slow weight gain is easily explained. Born three months early, she weighed under three pounds, and even if she had been full-term, I suspect that she would have been in the lower percentiles for her weight. Her older sister (born at 41 weeks) always ranked low for her weight. But easily explained doesn't necessarily mean easily written off. I am constantly concerned about her weight.

Right now, there are just so many unanswered questions. Will she always be small for her age? If so, will other kids pick on her? Also, we've been told that she is supposed to catch up to her peers by the age of two. If she doesn't with her weight, what does this mean for her overall development?

These concerns are not helped when outsiders comment on her small size. Recently, a woman guessed that Buzzy was 9 months old. As usual, an explanation was forthcoming. She is this age, but really she's supposed to be this age, so her development is slower than that of a "normal" baby. I don't like the comments because they are a reminder of how far behind she really is -- still in a rear-facing carseat, still in clothes sized for a 12-month-old, still not on the standard curve.

If there is one thing I have learned from having a preemie, though, it is that I can't compare my child to other children. I have to compare her to what she was. When I do this, I am encouraged. She may only register at 20 pounds on our bathroom scale, but surprisingly, she can pick up the scale and carry it around the house. She's small but strong.

Having a preemie also changes one's perspective on those coveted milestones. We waited longer than most parents for her first steps and first words, but they came and brought tears of joy to our eyes when they did. Even yesterday, as I was sitting on the couch while Buzzy played, she made an attempt to climb up with me. Several previous attempts have been unsuccessful. This time, I watched as she put one leg up, bracing herself with both arms, and slowly but surely hoisted her small body all the way up. Upon witnessing this scene, many parents might think, "Oh no! We're in trouble now!" My thought, however, was more along the lines of "Wow! You made it!"

Indeed, she had made it a long way, and though we still have far to go, we will get there. We'll move to a forward-facing seat. We'll be able to buy clothes that reflect her actual age. And, yes, eventually we'll finally be on the curve.